More Humor From Rokytnji
(2012-12-21 at 05:29:14 )

For this Christmas my wife hinted she wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
So, I bought her a bathroom scale.

Then later. I was flipping through the TV channels.
She asked me, "Whats on TV?"
I said, "Dust".

My mother in law is a little tweaked at me also.
Back a few Christmas ago I bought her a cemetery plot.
Then the next year I did not get her anything.
When she asked me why.
I said, "Well, you did not use what I bought you for Christmas last year!"

The doctors told me the twitching, jerking away in fear, and limp will go away in time.

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Two 90-year-old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it is clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him everyday. One day, Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, somehow, you must let me know if there is baseball there."
Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed," Moe, you have been my best friend for many years. If it is at all possible, I will do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight, a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him," Moe. Moe."
"Who is it"? asks Moe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it"?
"Moe, it is me, Joe."
"You are not Joe. Joe just died."
"I am telling you, it is me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you"?
"In Heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.
"The good news," Joe says "is that there is baseball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we are all young again. Better still, it is always Spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want and we never get tired."
"That is fantastic," says Moe. "It is beyond my wildest dreams! So, what is the bad news"?
"You are pitching Tuesday."


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A Biker bro of mine was real lonely and feeling down, so he called a psychic hotline to see what his love life held for him in the future.

His Personal Psychic Adviser advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

My Bro is jazzed and grinning and asks, "This is great! Where will I meet her, hitchhiking,at a bar, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "On a forensic table."