Some Humor From Shermeen!!
(2013-05-29 at 05:33:53 )

Grandma Speaks!!

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they are not prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I have known you since you were a boy, and frankly,you have been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you are a big shot when you do not have the brains to realize that you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I have known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He is lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can not build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I will send you both to the electric chair."

______________


Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am..

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Managers door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.


The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they are really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmos legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..

"I am sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."