If The Democrats Were A Beach Volleyball Team by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!
(2020-04-13 at 21:34:25 )

If The Democrats Were A Beach Volleyball Team by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!

Team D: Hey! Hey you over there! Come here and play with us!

Random stranger: Me? No thanks. I am busy picking up garbage, this beach is filthy.

Team D: Come on, our team is one short. You have to play.

Random stranger: Not my problem, lady. I do not even like volleyball. Your game does not represent my interests at all.

Team D: What are you talking about?? We both want the exact same thing: for Team R to lose!!

Random stranger: No, what I want is a garbage-free beach. I do not have any interest in your game or who wins it. It has got nothing to do with me or the things I care about. If you guys would have decided to do a beach cleanup instead of play volleyball, we would have some common ground to work with, but you have chosen to do a completely different thing than the thing I am interested in, and no matter who wins your game I know you are going to leave a big mess behind for the rest of us. Good luck though.

Team D: Well it is your fault if the other team wins then!

Random stranger: What?? No it is not! Look around you, this whole beach is full of people, many of whom are doing nothing at all. Ask them to join your team; literally anyone you pick will have more in common with your interests than I do.

Team D: No. No, it needs to be you. You need to play on our team, or our loss will rest solely on your shoulders.

Random stranger: No. Find someone else.

Team D: Refusing to play for us is the same as playing for Team R! You have to play for the lesser of two evils. If you do not play for us we will spend the next four years shrieking about how you made us lose!

Random stranger: I did not though. You are over there playing volleyball, and I am over here picking up trash. We have got nothing whatsoever to do with each other. You are picking on the one person on this beach who has less in common with you than anyone else you could possibly pick.

Team D: If Team R wins, this beach is going to be a lot messier than if we win. We are just planning on leaving a moderate amount of garbage behind, while they are complete pigs! Other people want to enjoy this beach too you know. You should check your privilege.

Random stranger: Why are you planning on making any mess at all?? If you actually cared about having a clean beach you would be over here helping me instead of choosing to play a stupid, irrelevant game that does not ultimately make this place any nicer!

Team D: The official beach cleanup is over anyway! You have to play volleyball now.

Random stranger: I do not just pick up garbage during the citys official beach cleanup day; I do it year-round. That is what I choose to do with my life, volleyball is not. That remains the case whether there is a city-sponsored beach cleanup or not.

Team D: Well I have just spoken with Bernie, the chief beach cleanup organizer, and guess what? He just endorsed our game. You hear that? Your leader says you have to play volleyball now!

Random stranger: Seriously? Did you seriously just try to call the manager on me, Karen?

Team D: Do as your leader commands!

Random stranger: Bernie is not my leader, he is just an event organizer who got a lot of people interested in beach cleanup. No matter what he says, my interest will be in beach cleanup, not volleyball. If you guys want to win you should play as well as you can, and see about getting one of those undecided sunbathers to join your team or something. You have got a much better shot at convincing them than you do me.

Team D: Okay, you all hear that? It is that random strangers fault if we lose, okay? Not the fact that none of us have been training, or the fact that our team is made up of deflated boomers with no enthusiasm, or the fact that none of us are particularly interested in winning. Let the record show that it is the fault of that random stranger who has nothing to do with us at all!

Random stranger: Well, have fun losing I guess. I am gonna get back to work.

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