Want To Serve The Empire? Help Circulate Its Propaganda Narratives! by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!
(2021-03-22 at 01:26:49 )

Want To Serve The Empire? Help Circulate Its Propaganda Narratives! by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!

Hey kids! Wanna do your old Uncle Sam a big honking favor? Wanna serve the United States empire like a good little lickspittle? Wanna help kill other peoples kids in far off lands for fun and profit?

You do?? Well bust my britches, that is just swell!

It is actually really easy.

You do not even need to be smart to do it - heck, it is actually a whole lot easier if you are not. Just shut off that pesky little lightbulb inside your noggin and listen up.

All you have to do to help old Uncle Sam spark off them shiny lil Tomahawk missiles and incinerate those goofy foreigners for geostrategic control and Raytheon shareholder profits is this: just go around repeating the same stuff your buddies at the United States State Department say about governments we do not like.

That is it! That is all there is to it. It really is that simple.

Now I know you young uns do not do all your talking to each other like us old timers do. You like to get on them newfangled apps and internets with your iPods and your talking dongle widgets and your fancy America Online CD-ROMs. And that is just great! We need lots and lots of that stuff.

Just get on that there Tweeter machine and tell all your friends that Russia is real, real bad. Or maybe make one of them TikTak dances about how China wants to harvest everyones organs. Or heck, you can just share plain old online news articles about how bad the governments we do not like are, since them outlets all say the same stuff we say anyhow.

You see kids, it is like this: Before we launch missiles, we launch narratives. Before we drop bombs, we drop stories. Before we invade, we propagandize.

We need to make sure everyone is on our side before we can roll in their and kill those evil terrorists and babies and grandmas, otherwise we risk turning everyone in the United States of America and our client states into a buncha stinking anti-war hippies.

And we definitely can not have none of that.

If Americans decide they do not like war they start making a big scene in front of everybody, holding protests and telling everyone really nasty stuff about your old Uncle Sammy.

Then before you know it we got us a real leftist revolutionary movement on our hands, and I aint talking about any of that cutesy Bernie Sanders stuff. I am talking about an actual uprising against the rich folks who run this here blessed country and tearing down the whole empire bolt by bolt.

I know we talk a big game about the scary bad guys being the jihadis and the North Koreans and whatnot, but really the folks who are most dangerous to our enterprises here are the folks who are going around telling everyone that we are up to no good up in Langley and Arlington.

The last thing we need is a buncha hoodlums running around sharing a lot of unauthorized stories about how we are doing bad things and not really telling the truth about our military agendas. That is why we are trying to censor them offa the internet for good.

So get out there and grease the wheels of imperialism, sonny boy!

Tell them Maduro is starving his people!

Tell them Assad must go.

Tell them them Iranians are the worlds worst sponsors of terrorism instead of us and the Saudis!

Whatever you see them saying on Fox or CNN about governments we do not like, you just pick up that torch and run with it, because anything negative you share about them helps us. That is the best way you can help keep them big old expensive gears of war turning, ya little stormtrooper.

Heck, if you help share our propaganda narratives about the nations that disobey us, you here could pretty much even say you are like one of our soldiers.

If you think about it, there is hardly any difference between you and the guy who actually hits the switch to deploy the bombs. You are just showing up a little earlier in the process, laying down a little storytelling so we can rev up our war engines and get the real party started.

So hold your head up high, soldier!

By helping us market our wars at home and abroad, you are helping to make sure we can keep on killing until there is no one left to kill.

You just keep talking online about how bad them Russians and Chinese and all them are and keep your tongue licking the imperial boot nice and clean, and you will have done your old Uncle Sammy proud.

Thanks for reading!!
Everyone has my unconditional permission to republish or use any part of this work (or anything else I have written) in any way they like free of charge.

My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece please consider sharing it around, liking me on Facebook, following my antics on Twitter, throwing some money into my hat on Patreon or Paypal, purchasing some of my "sweet merchandise", buying my new book "Rogue Nation: Psychonautical Adventures With Caitlin Johnstone", or my previous book "Woke: A Field Guide for Utopia Preppers". The best way to get around the internet censors and make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list for "my website", which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. For more info on who I am, where I stand, and what I am trying to do with this platform, "click here".