More Humor From Rokytnji
(2009-02-27 at 22:13:23 )

Here is more for cousin lucky!

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The
Old man said, "No, I would like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
Another ring over. "Here is a stunning ring at only $40,000" the
jeweler said.
The young lady had sparkling eyes and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We will take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,
"I will write you out a check."
"I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I will write it
now and you can call the bank Monday morning to verify the funds. I will
pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There is no money in
that account." "I know that", said the old man, "But let me tell you all
about my weekend!" All Seniors Are not Senile!
__________________

University scientists have released the results of a recent analysis
that reveals the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should
take a concerned look at their beer consumption. It turns out that
the "hops" in beer contain certain phyto-estrogens, and scientists
believe that by drinking enough beer, men may turn into women.
In this study, 100 male volunteers were asked to drink eight pints of
beer in one hour. The results were observed and recorded. At the
end of one hour, every single test subject had developed female
characteristics, and the test was terminated.

The data is provided below.

After one hour, 100% of the test subjects:

1) gained weight
2) talked excessively without making sense
3) became overly emotional
4) could not drive
5) failed to think rationally
6) argued over nothing
7) had to sit down while urinating
8) refused to apologize when obviously wrong

No further testing was considered necessary.
__________________
No Fear

One Sunday an old biker walks into church and sits down in the front row.
As the preacher is beginning his sermon, the devil suddenly appears at
the altar. The members of the congregation, including the preacher
himself, flee the church in terror, all except for this one old biker
in the front row.

The devil notices this one biker still in the church and walks down from
the altar to confront him. He roars at the man, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why of course I know who you are," the man calmly replies. "You are
Satan."

"And you are not afraid of me like the others?" the devil asks somewhat
miffed.

To which the biker replies, "No. Why should I be? I have been married to
your sister for the last 25 years."
__________________
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for
possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars
before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with
his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he
started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting
for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him,
read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine
his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver
replied, "Tonight I am the designated decoy."
__________________

A city dwelling man is using his plow on his field one day and gets his
tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and
walks over to the fence to call over the city fellow. "You will need a
mule to plow such wet ground," he says.

"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.

Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.

"I will take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.

I can not bring him over today. I do not work on Sunday; is tomorrow OK?

"Sure."

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says,
"sorry, bad news." I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.

The city feller says just give me my money back then.

"I can not do that, I spent it already!"

"Well... unload the mule then."

"What are you going to do with him?"

"Raffle him off!"

"Naw, you can not raffle off a dead mule!"

"Just watch me! City fellers know a few tricks."

One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other
at the barber shop.

"What did you do with that dead mule?"

"I Raffled him off, I sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made
98 dollars profit."

"Did anyone complain about it?"

"Just one guy; so I gave him his two dollars back!
__________________
little old granny!

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady
following him around.

If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him
and said, "I hope I have not made you feel ill at ease; it is just that
you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That is okay."

"I know it is silly, but if you could call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave
the store, it would make me feel so very happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of
the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into her day, he
went to pay for his Groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied,

"Yeah, but your Mother said You would be paying for her things, too."

Do not trust little Old Ladies!!
__________________