And More Humor From Rokytnji
(2009-03-22 at 16:40:21 )

Broke Down Biker

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They could
not do it while he waited, so he said he did not live far and would just
walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a
bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and
picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry
all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady
who told him she was lost. She asked, Can you tell me how to get to 1603
Mockingbird Lane?

The biker said, Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.
I would walk you home but I can not carry this stuff.

The old lady suggested, Why not put the anvil in the bucket, carry the
bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in
your other hand?

Why thank you very much, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, Let us take my short cut and go down this alley. We
will be there in no time.

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, I am just a
lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we
get in the alley you will not hold me up against the wall, pull up my
skirt, and have your way with me?

The biker said, Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two
chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
against the wall and do that?

The lady replied, Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the
anvil on top of the bucket, and I will hold the chickens.

THE GUNFIGHTER

A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man
standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the
fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink
and told him the story of his great ambition. Do you think you could give
me some tips? he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, Well,
for one thing, you are wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little
lower down on your leg. Will that make me a better gunfighter? asked the
young man. It Sure will,replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot
the bow tie off the piano player. That is terrific! said the hot shot.
Have you got any more tips for me?

Yep, said the old man. Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer
hits it, that will give you a smoother draw.

Will that make me a better gunfighter? asked the younger man. You bet it
will, said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in
a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. Wow! exclaimed the
young cowboy I am learning something here. Have you got any more tips?

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. See that
axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the
barrel of his gun. No, said the old-timer, I mean smear it all over the
gun, handle and all. Will that make me a better gunfighter? asked the
young man. No, said the old-timer, But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing
on the piano, he is going to shove that gun right up your ass, and it will
not hurt as much.
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